Its cool to be me.

Hi,
Howdy? I have realized that I dont love myself.I have an ego , but I dont have love for myself. Maybe I do have love for myself , but I tend to be very critical of myself.I think this is all part of the disease(depression). Yesterday , there was a recurrence. I felt someone else was controlling my feelings and emotions.This happened at around 4.00 pm . I think I know what it is. The effect of my morning sadhana(spiritual practise) wore off.So this is what I think.I think when u do your sadhana you get elevated and there is a circle of protection put on you . But it does have a time limit. It wears off after a while.I think this is what happened to me too. Plus I think if you have a rudraskha that increases the protection multifold.I had removed my rudraksha because the thread broke. Anyways ,  I got the thread and now im wearing the rudraksha. This helps me.I am OK , now. Even though there was a recurrence , I believe I am better now.It is all Amma's grace.

Infinite possibilities

Hello ,
          Im here once again , looking at the screen,looking to write something new. I just read somewhere that the greatest obstacle to awakening is the path itself. According to the mahatmas, yogis and others , we are already awake. We just havent realized that yet. Why havent we realized that? Because of the ego . What is the ego ? The ego is the false self we believe we are.So to eradicate, remove the ego , do spritiual practices.This makes the energy in us more pure,so that we can concentrate single pointedly on god . Some people dont believe god exists.Amma says that the very fact that we are alive, talking , thinking , working etc. is by god's grace. How did so many people get turned away from God? Because of the belief that science and spirituality are separate.The belief system of a few westerners who thought that science and technology are the greatest achievements made by man.Well , the very fact that mahatmas exist, the very fact that people like amma exist proves this false.But yet mankind dont agree. But there is a new adage or some other "cool" trend nowadays. I read that somewhere . It says "I dont have to agree with you to like you or respect you."  What is all this ? Who is responsible for stuff like this? Its cool to be hip? . Its cool to show skin ?. I dont know . I have tried and am now trying to isolate myself from all the cool media.

May the force be with you.

Hi,
   How is everyone? Im doing ok.Still living in Amma's ashram, but I think my depression is leaving me.I think Amma's grace is finally turning me over a new leaf. Wow.I think im finally changing. Negative thoughts dont bother me as much, my sadhana is going on smoothly,things are looking positive.I checked my horoscope and my Budha dasha(Mercury's time period) is getting over. I dont think anybody has faced so much of Shani(Saturns period) as me.I was born during Vyaya dasha(Jupiters timeperiod ), but that got over for me when I was 3 years old. Thats why I was so unlucky.That is my best placed planet and that got over when I was friggin' 3 years old. Then the Shani (Saturn's timeperiod) dasha started. I faced the full brunt of Shani , for a massive 18 years. Then when I finally thought I was free of this deadly planet, things got worse. I thought I had Budha dasha(Mercury time) , and went to the US of A. Little did I know , that Saturns 7 and 1/2 years was yet to come. Then I bore the full force of that , which had me change jobs like I was changing underwear,ended a 3 or 4 year relationship with my ex-girlfriend,which left me emotionally drained and finally the nail in the coffin was my depression.So I came back to India,and you know the story from there onwards.Anyways my 7 and 1/2 years of Saturn got over in 2009 and then my kandaka shani (Saturn in 5th house) started. So effectively , I have had 18 years of Saturn , plus 7 and a half years of saturn , and now 2 and a half years of saturn. Its like Saturn and me are inseparable friends.We belong with each other.

Good God, I think I am the only human in this world who has had so much Saturn Time. This planet is not good. It is venomous, and is the greatest leveler in this world. Its like death.It will strike u hard if u do anything which is not in accordance with God's wish.I think by the time , Im through with this saturn , I would have evolved backwards , like I would be part human, part ape.

One for the road.

Hello Folks,
                 This is me ,again. I got a 5 year work experience certificate of appreciation, a couple of weeks back,from my company, which made me very happy. That is awesome. Besides that Im still following the spiritual path. One of the articles I read, mentioned how you can judge your progress in spirituality. It says the less thoughts you have, the better it is and that you have progressed in spirituality. I should start meditating as I dont do any meditation nowadays.
            My sadhana or spiritual practice consists of waking up, and chanting the ashtotharam( 108 names of amma ) , the lalitha sahasranamam and then the mahisasura mardhini.This takes about 45-50 minutes.Then I chant my mantra, 500 times,then pray to God shiva and god hanumanji.This is all in the morning. This energizes me and makes me positive during most of the day. The problem is in the evenings and night time. I feel that I have less energy and less divine energy in me , during those times . So I decided to chant the mantra 500 times in the evenings again. Before I go to sleep I pray for all the people, I care about , chant the mantra 500 times and then say some small prayers .
       I have also started trying to lose some weight ,because I am obese.Today I am planning on going for ammas darshan. Today is the last day of darshan , as Amma is going on the U.S. tour. She starts of by going to Japan, then reaches seattle,washington for the start of the 2 month long tour.
        I have continuously been attending amma's bhajans and feel a lot of changes in me. Its taken a while,but I have , at last , started on the road to recovery.These anti-depressants are really bad for me. Ive put on a ton of weight .I have to reduce , and I have started dieting and exercising.

Hello World ! :)

Hello Folks,
                 Thanks for coming back to my blog.I decided to write a new entry to my blog. I am still working with Amrita E-Learning research labs and staying in Amma's ashram.Work is OK. Sadhana is OK. Getting familiar with this routine.Sleep,Wakeup,Sadhana,Bathroom activities,Eat,Dress up, go for work,Work, eat,Work come back to the room, if Amma present in ashram ---> Bhajans ,eat ,bathroom and sleep.I have kind of figured out what is happening here. Remember my previous blog about 2 energies ? That is exactly what is happening here.When we are with Amma, the divine energy associated with Amma is present. But when she leaves she takes that energy with her.But since we are still not self -realized souls, we think that amma has left the ashram physically . But she is present in the ashram on other dimensions, which we unfortunately cannot see ,because we are locked in 2 or 3 dimensional states.I am not enlightened,but im striving for enlightenment.I think when we attain enlightenment,these other dimensions open up for us.I dont know what else to say , but im beginning to understand that surrendering to amma is a very tough task indeed. It is not just giving up your ego, but everything associated with it. Your thoughts, your actions, your ideas everything. That is true surrender. I think that surrender will not come unless amma wants it.Everything is gods grace. Ammas grace.