Everything happens for a reason

Hello friends,
                   Last friday , a very sad incident occured . One baby owl had fallen from somewhere on to the lawn near the Bio-Tech canteen. One of the workers was helping it with water . But the owl did not eat any food provided to it. My friend ( I dont want to name him) and myself saw this owl and decided to take action. It was just lying there , drinking water , but not eating any food. So I called the vet and asked him what to do . He asked us to bring the owl to the vet center. my friend found a thermocol sheet which was used so that we could carry the owl . Then my friend and another girl took the owl to the vet . Unfortunately the owl died on the way.
                   We had tried to help it , but we failed. It was time for the owl to go. Everything happened for a reason. If we had known the owl was injured earlier , we might have saved it. But we didnt know. Probably it was supposed to endure this kind of death to remove a lot of its prarabdha karma. Like I had mentioned in my previous blogs, I believe there are 2 energies which act on us. One is the divine cosmic energy(which Amma has) and the other earthly negative energy which binds us to this world.Amma I think is beyond these 2 energies, but has the divine cosmic energy within her. I prayed to amma to help this owl and I know that amma helped the owl . Amma says that the universe keeps a record of all our prayers.
                   
          

My beginning of the end

Hello again,
                  This is my new addition to my blog.I am a moderate reader , reading mostly articles on spirituality. During my time at work  , I work, plus , whenever i get free time , i browse cnn , bbc , and other papers such as timesofindia and deccan herald.
                  I have found out through spirituality, praying to amma and chanting that I have been misguided for a long time. I remember that I was religious during my childhood and I used to take a lot of interest in god and religion. But I had lots of vasanas(latent tendencies) . I realized this now, after coming to amritapuri when most of my vasanas started dropping off. This does not mean , that I am free of vasanas. I do have more vasanas to shed, but amma is doing it slowly,carefully.I think I am being purified as amma pulls me close to her.I think a lot of latent problems (my prarabdhas-karma from past lives , is being cleansed). This way i become as purified as amma.I am not saying I am amma, but the divine mother is working on us , cleansing us , removing obstacles from our path, making us become pure like her.
                  Back to me being misguided, I remember my mom saying that she went to see Amma in 1984. That was , when I was a 9 year old boy. After that there was no connection with Amma, until again in 2000, when I went to the USA.I met amma there in the US , every year until my return in 2008. Coming back to the misguided part, I dont recall getting any spiritual instructions , nor doing anything to appease god,even though I was weak.I recall during my earlier days , I was vegetarian on saturdays, and was eating fish and chicken , until i stopped eating non-vegetarian food completely in the 2000s.I recall going to temples on saturday, the day i used to eat vegetarian food only. I did this for quite a while, before I entered engineering college. Even during my college days , I used to eat a lot of fish and chicken , but in 2000, I stopped eating chicken.I was only eating fish then.Then I remember in 2004 when my mom came down to the US, I stopped fish.My turnaround from non-veg food was complete.
                  

I have restarted work at E-Learning research labs. I am still on medication , but now I feel a certain confidence that amma is with me.I dont have to feel bad.just have to flow with the tide.If you resist, you get caught up in it. Resistance is futile. Just go with the flow. This is ammas way of removing our ego. she is in control of everything. the hardest part for me is acceptance and surrender. when i feel i have been insulted or wronged, my ego shoots up . there is no control of senses or body then. the ego takes over. that is the real test. when you have been wronged.you have to stand up for yourself,but your ego takes over , from that point onwards.nothing can be kept in check.i wonder how amma would react to such a situation. i would love to know how to handle such a situation properly.

Before my trip to Bangalore to meet my psychiatrist.

I will be travelling to Bangalore tomorrow. Train starts at 2.45 pm tomorrow and reaches next day morning 6.30 am.I am looking forward to this trip as I have become exhausted after working for quite a while.Amma's birthday celebrations were a massive success and Amma has left to europe. Now she will return only on November 15th. Thats nearly one month away from today.I will be in Bangalore for 2 weeks and then I will return back.I am going to start exercising more as I feel exhausted after a days work. I have no energy to do other stuff .

Writing on the eve of Amma's Birthday

Today I am writing a new entry in my blog. I havent yet reached self -realization :) .Im still the same old me,who enjoys good food . Most of my vasanas have been removed, but Im still a work in progress in the hands of the divine mother.My earlier blog about 2 energies existing is very relevant.I have realized that due to my depression, I became very weak.Weakness was mental,physical and emotional.The divine energy takes you out of suffering , while the other energy keeps you bound in your body with aches, pains, desires , lust, etc. ..I have realized that I am currently living because of Amma. If not for her divine energy, I would have died long ago. I am trying my best to be with amma. I attend all her bhajans, sit near her when she is giving darshan, go for prasad and satsangs.I have started experiencing a little of the peace associated with spirituality. Peace comes to me whenever I have prayed,sat near amma or just had darshan. Amma is the one who is keeping me under check. I have realized that if not for Amma, I would have been seeing demons and ghosts.I feel that we are kept protected by boundaries which are keeping us from seeing the real world.Self Realization happens when those boundaries are removed and you see the reality. Thats my opinion.This is what is true.What we see is maya right now. The whole world lives in this maya, except Amma.