New Addition

I am writing this entry after a long while.Amma is on her Europe trip.The birthday celebrations are over.Now im back at work .I have an idea. That is that everything is energy. Everything is composed of energy. Amma's energy is divine energy. There is also negative energy at work. All this energy is what makes up this world. There are two energies at work. Ammas energy is the divine cosmic energy . The other energy is what drives attachment,desire,lust,anger etc. etc.. These are the negative elements  of the person.This is what is predominant in this world. All that man has done has driven nature to anger. So now nature is going to unleash its fury on man. But there is still hope . Amma can still change the world. It is going to take a lot of effort and hard work.But good always wins over evil. This is the truth since time immemorial. And so it shall be again.

Coming back to my blog

I havent written for a while now , so I thought its time to add another one.I have started dieting now.Today I had some extra kesari bhath ,but thats not going to matter in the long run.I have to be active.Physically and mentally active. This is what is needed for me to recover from my depression.I have been diagnosed with clinical depression with psychotic features.So now , I have to recover.My psychologist says that its good to think of it as  a chemical imbalance.Thats what Im doing now.Im thinking that its a chemical imbalance.I find it difficult to write . I dont know what I should jot down.Words dont come to me.I feel theres a block in anything I do. There is no structured thought process.Currently Im in a mess. I dont know what to do with my life.But I know one thing for sure.Amma has saved me with her compassionate act.The act of allowing me to stay in her ashram.Ive made some new friends and I've become spiritual.Now the real question rises,What do I do with myself? First, I have to recover.Lose a ton of weight,and then take it from there.First climb the baby steps.Then take leaps and bounds.But be persistent with the journey.The journey should be exciting.Amusing.Amazing.Im not getting to enjoy the journey , but I have to start somewhere.Start enjoying the experience. The journey shouldnt be about reaching a destination , but its about experiencing whats there at that moment.

Understanding one self - going within

I am trying to understand myself. I am going within and trying to understand myself.I dont know what to make of it but I think meditation is leading me through this search . I follow what Amma teaches , i.e. close your eyes and meditate on your breath.When you inhale , chant "MA" , when you exhale chant "OM". I keep at this for a while ,and then I get taken away by the peace and serenity.I become part of the meditation process itself.Its like this peace engulfs everything.Im not sure how to describe this part.You feel there is another part of you who is doing this.Your like a witness.There is something inside of you.Thats when I stop and open my eyes.I dont know how to continue from there.

Addition to my BLOG

Its been a while since I posted my blog.Nothing had been said about the topic and its contents as yet.I would like to name it 'Sandeep's Spiritual Blog' and keep a tab on its contents.As I am living in Amritapuri(www.amritapuri.org) ,home to Amma,I've decided to dedicate this blog to Amma.It is about my spiritual growth. With regards to the knowledge part,I am still new with regards to spirituality.My main input is from books.Some of the books that I have read are 'The art of happiness' ,a talk with His Highness The Dalai Lama.Another book that I read was the 'Gospel',a talk with Shri Ramakrishna Paramhamsa.I have also read 'Living with the Himalayan Masters' ,an overview of the various teachers in the Himalayas by Swami Rama.
I am currently reading 'Awaken Children 'part 2, a book about Amma's talks with others.

My thoughts

I am a member of Care2.com .Its a website which deals with petitions , causes and such.Recently I was browsing an article on eating meat. The article said that people eating meat ,couldn't justify their actions by saying it was a 'personal' choice.I posted a comment on it stating that it was bad karma to eat meat and doing good karma was the order of the day. But then I realized , I am one among the few here. The western society and civilization rules the world based on their ideas and principles.I used to live in the USA and I understood the culture and society of the Americans. They teach selfishness as a good thing.The world values money and power ,so aim for that at no matter what cost.Very different from the ashram where I live in. I now live in Mata Amritandamayi's (Amma)ashram in Kollam,Kerala.
I'm not saying that selfishness is really bad, but getting preoccupied by thinking about yourself or your family only is extremely negative. In fact this is opposite to what we learn from Amma. Amma teaches us that with whatever freedom you get , you should use it for a greater cause.Like helping the poor and needy.Amma lives a life of sacrifice and giving. There are a lot of westerners who throng to visit her,quite a few of them Americans too. I find this to be the real education.People flock to universities and colleges,compete at competitions and learn to come out on top , no matter whatever the consequences.That is not education for the soul.That's not what makes character. What makes character is Amma's message. The message of unconditional love and compassion.To give of whatever little you have. Im sure this is not possible for the majority of people,but at least have a balance. Balance between selfishness and selflessness(giving). If most of the affluent people,decided to live like this, we wouldn't see poverty,injustice , cruelty , and so many inhumane crimes against humanity. Affluent people should learn from Amma. Her life and her world.