Bye 2015 , Hello 2016.

The last day of 2015. I think its been a funny year , this  2015. One thing I can definitely say is thats its been hotter than ever before. The weather is unpredictable, people are unpredictable, everything seems to be on a seesaw , going up and down . My health also has been bad , with Amma telling me that my depression has worsened.I dont know how that could happen, but I wasnt helping my cause either , without exercising or dieting.It is difficult to diet here,especially when the work life is so hectic.Doing stuff you want takes so much time, and I'm beginning to get dis-illusioned with myself here. Some things have worked out , but so many things happened that it cannot be called a win-win situation. Its been more of a win-lose situation with a lot of losses and not that many wins.However  , I have stuck to amma, and will continue to do so , until amma gives up on me.As ya'll know thats never going to happen , so Im pretty much going to live here for the rest of my life.I dont know if that is going to happen either, knowing Amma. But I am reaching the end of my patience , and there is a limit to patience.What is the cost of living with God? Amma herself says she is chiseling the stone to make a beautiful image of ours. So we are the diamonds in the rough , which will be cut to produce the glittering look,but that takes time and patience.I just hope I will last the whole process as I am already out of patience. Whats more everybody is trying to follow the American / European lifestyle . They dont see the repurcussions and the damage they are doing to themselves or to the environment. Thats what I have made out. The selfish way of living is slowly overtaking everybody with the effect already visible in the Indian cities and metros.Spirituality is now the only course which can take care of this earth. It has bled too much,has been exploited too much and now it is leading us to a catastrophes which might bring about the end of this world.

                        By the way , let me wish you a Happy New Year 2016.

Dont React , respond. My take ...Dont Respond, stay still.....that is also a response.

The way things are looked at now is a very complicated process. I was reading about the presidential campaign for the US President and was shocked to know that Donald Trump was the leading candidate among the Republicans.I cannot believe that Donald Trump is the most popular candidate. WTF is wrong with these people? I cannot really understand how this guy is most popular.He is raking up more controversies than all the other candidates put together. This guy is crazy. I dont understand what makes this guy popular.I was also reading that this is his strategy . He is looking at creating some controversies so that he can get popular no matter at what cost.Thats a brilliant strategy. First and foremost,he is from the conservative party but republicans believe in war mongering.No conservative methods there.I dont think any one should be seriously considering this guy as a president.

My post for today

The start of today has been tempting. I think the future of blogging is secure.I am now focussing on my work more than anything else. Taking interest in doing small things.I have been given a document to create.This is for the unity game engine. We need to perform face detection with unity and this particular url gives me points to add . I need points to download the code and perform certain tasks. That is the reason im putting html code in my blog. Besides that I believe I am beginning to like my work. This gives me satisfaction and is giving me immense pleasure.I have started doing my job.No more time pass... Full-time regular job.
Thanks amma for your immense grace.I am indebted to you for everything.I read somewhere that the disciple is chosen by the guru ,and he is indebted to the guru for the unconditional love he showers upon him. The guru cannot be understood by our limited logic and mind. The guru takes the disciple beyond the limits set by the human mind and the disciple cannot do anything else but surrender completely to the guru.






Open Source Codes Forge and Sharing

My blog,My idea, My thoughts,My freedom, My....,My....My....My....My .....even OMG !

Howdy folks,
                   I heard that everyone has freedom of expression, but doesnt that end somewhere? If you have freedom of expression and you express hate, dont you think that is wrong.?  Freedom of expression , should have limitations. I just cannot express hate and anger at anyone , that is wrong. There should be limits. Some guy in france got killed over a comic strip. I know this news is old, but that brings to the forefront , what I was just writing.See guys, I dont have anything much to write,so Im just bringing in this news to write about it.What do I really want? I dont know guys. The problem is I have changed , and now im stuck in between 2 points. One point is the materialistic world, with the main attraction being money,power and women. The other point is the spiritualistic world. Over there I see Amma. Unconditional love, limitless compassion, boundless humility and everything else. Now I am in between.I oscillate towards the spiritualitic world, but what happens is that I am oscillating and once I have a fair share of the spiritualistic world (or God) , then I oscillate towards the material world, (the "Other" side). The spiritual world makes life better. Lesser desires.No craving for money.Contentment, peace,calm,happiness in small things etc. Then when I go to the materialistic world , things change. Women,wine,money, etc. There is no end to this and more addictions. Women, money , power craving have been reduced to almost zero. . But I still have one big craving and that is food. I dont know how to deal with that.Whether its spirituality or materialistic comforts , I cannot give up on food. That is my only vasana and I dont know how to deal with it.Im just believing in Amma and taking it one step at a time regarding food. There is a lot of  people who get carried away with different ideas about spirituality . But the truth is only revealed to the true seeker. One thing I have learnt so far. Spiritual awakening is not about acquiring a new tool or gadget or making yourself understand something that has been recently acquired. Its about removing all the muck u have collected over all these lifetimes. The spiritual life comes down to those who dont have any ego. That is the most beautiful aspect of spirituality. Somewhere it was written , its not what you learn.Its what you unlearn.This can only happen in front of a real guru . And Amma is a satguru , among many other things.

Why do they show actors having bad attitude and make that a cool thing?

Hi Guys,
            This is me Sandy once again. I am thinking of something to put down here. But im not getting any ideas.What is a good topic to write about ? I cannot think of anything.Maybe nothing is something to write about. I associate nothing with nothingness.Nothingness means according to me emptiness.Emptiness means empty. Thats what is constituted in everything. For example,if u take it to the microscopic level, there is atoms and protons and neutrons right? The neutrons and protons are in the center and the electrons revolve around them .But if u see what is in them or what is surrounding them , then u will only see space or emptiness.Similarly if u take the universe, there is a lot of galaxies, lot of stars and planets.But what are they made up of? Space mostly.Emptiness . Similarly man according to the vedas and puranas, is composed of the 5 basic elements of nature. Air, water,fire,ether and earth.When man dies, he gets decomposed and finally returns to these elements. These 5 elements r in turn made of emptiness at a microscopic level.So there is emptiness everywhere. I am not the first guy to write this ,and I have read this before , so this is not copyrighted or anything. This idea itself is someone else's but I thought it would be a good idea to connect nothingness with emptiness.The main reason for me to do this is to get something to write about. I am not a writer and im not great at coming up with ideas . These ideas come once in a while , and I take the opportunity to write about them.

Ammas Guru Purnima Day .

Hi,
  This is me , back with a bang , feeling great after Guru Purnima, 2015.I felt like Amma was talking to me ! There were so many people in the hall , but Amma was really talking to me. I know Amma was talking to me.I feel that Amma and me have a very strong connection.Initially I knew that Amma knew me from a previous birth.But I didnt know that I  was a spiritual being.I knew that Amma loved all her children equally , but I didnt know that I was special, and she would take special interest in me.I think that when I went to the USA, I became very conditioned. I was always having worldly desires and never knew that I was a spiritual being. I have just come to know about this now . I had my horoscope read by many astrologers , but noone ever told me to take up the spiritual path.It was my friend malathy(malathy sanborn) from the ashram , who pointed it out that having 4 planets in the 12th house is good for spirituality.This made me realize along with the other experiences that I am cut out to be a spiritual aspirant.
  Being spiritual,doesnt mean that you can let go of worldly desires.U have to do your duty and work in this world as a responsible adult and as well do your duties.These duties that you have to do would be to take care of your parents, take care of your family etc. etc. Since , Im living with my mother , one among my many duties would be to take care of her. Besides this, there are many other duties we have to perform.As I am just now regaining my health after becoming depressed, these duties had not dawned upon me. Only now Am I gaining the awareness to perform these duties. One of my main responsibilities would be to listen to Amma, whatever be the situation.The next duty would be to be with Amma , come what may. Once you realize that she is God, there is no going back.Its just to be with her, for the rest of your life.You have come to the ultimate reality . Suppose your riding a bus of life, which is full of people, different colorful stops, different views and all that. When u reach Amma, this is where u get off , since your life has reached its destination. Amma is Kali Avatar. This means she was existing even before the world was manifested. Therefore ,when u see Amma, you are literally seeing your pathway to the heavens.Im talking about Moksha.Yes the very purpose of life will be granted to you by her. Thats why I am getting off.

What came first...The chicken or the egg?

Hi once again,
                    I am thinking of writing something that makes sense.But the way I see it , there is some stuff you can put into words , and then there is some stuff you experience. You cannot imagine experiencing enlightenment because the only way to put it into words is to say you attain inner bliss.But the essence which you experience cannot be put into words. That is spirituality for you . Whereas science can be described, spirituality cannot be described. This is because it is truly experience based.That is why the classic works of spirituality , like Autobiography of a Yogi, (by Parahamsa yogananda), the Himalayan Masters (By swami Rama) is such great work . Describing experience in words.This is such great work. Even Amma's works are great. The 'Awaken Children' series of books is great . It is written with such simple definitions that you think it is so easy.But the truth of the matter is , is that it has very deep meaning. Amma explains everything with such ease that you almost take it to be a walk in the park. There is a lot of skepticism in the beginning , but once you have overcome the doubt and fear asssociated with spirituality , your world will change. Mine hasnt changed yet, but I am sure it will change. Amma guarantees this . I have to put in my effort and Amma will also put her effort . I have run out of ideas to put in this blog.I reach a road block after I come out with a spurt of ideas. This is like my weakness.

Whats a better job than being a food critic?

Hi once again.I would love to be a food critic.I think thats the best job u could have.Im vegetarian, so I might not become a food critic , but no I will still try it. No meat, fish or eggs. Dairy is ok.But what will make u a food critic? For one, i was reading on the internet, you might need a bachelors degree in hotel management or journalism. I dont think thats possible.But im not giving up.I will still pursue the field , just to see if I can make it. I am beginning to think that this is my ego rambling on some stuff. I think it takes a lot of hard work and patience to become good at whatever you do . I am going to bangalore in a couple of weeks. I wiouldnt think about this there.When I go to bangalore , it is mostly eat,drink ,sleep.Yes then there is tv too so I watch that for entertainment purposes.I have to lose a ton of weight, otherwise my health is at stake.So I will do some exersices to get me back into shape.Losing weight has become my top priority as I am already morbidly obese.Time for me to work out.I dont think im exercising enough right now . I have to start walking , slowly adding more exercises so that I get fit.I am just writing down whatever comes to my mind. My mind is not focussed.I think this is the problem. It just rambles on regarding something or the other.No coherent thought process,no rational thoughts .Just do whatever it thinks about. But I will not stop.I will continue writing this mumbo-jumbo until it is emptied of any thought.That is when divine light will dawn.

All that glitters is not gold

Welcome, welcome to my blog. I think that I'm getting carried away with the power of expression. Nothing in this world can be compared to self-realization. This is because self-realization is something that is a unique phenomenon. Once you achieve that, your life is complete.But what I have to do to achieve self-realization is to surrender to my guru. I was discussing this with my friend , a brahmachari. What he said was very interesting . He said , if you are able to surrender 100% , then you are self-realized.I was contemplating this statement. What he said is true. If u surrender 100%, then, u dont have an ego. Ego is your creation. The  mind,body and soul which is keeping you sleep from reality . How many of us see the true reality . Nobody , except Amma.Whatever I do , Amma says surrender it to me . So if you are doing work, just think its for amma and do it. Just make a resolve that whatever you do, do it for Amma. This will help you when you surrender your work to amma. This is also the case with other activities . If you are going to eat , then just think that Amma has given you this food , so pray and eat it . This way you will think you are eating food blessed by Amma. This way you will not only have amma always in your thoughts , but you willl also be living a life of purity. Becoming a sincere,honest devotee is not easy .But thats the start to surrendering your life to Amma.

Success at what cost

Back with a bang.I was reading an article today. Quite interesting.It was about McD.In fact its on wikipedia.Just search for McDonalds in google and take the wikipedia link that comes up. The CEO of McDonalds is of British Nationality . He has been with them for quite some time. MacDonalds doesnt sell beef burgers in india. But I think they dont buy their chickens from organic / humanely raised chicken farms. It is said that Norway was where the burger was costliest and India was the country where the burger was cheapest.This corporation makes about 5 billion US $ annually . I might be wrong on this . But I just have 1 question. These guys are so rich , so big , but yet they dont pay attention to animal rights.There is more to it than meets the eye. They are mired in controversies. In 2002, they were sued successfully for adding beef broth to their "vegetable" fries. Now I dont know if it exists  or not , but come on. Do u have to add animal fat to make your fries tastier? I have a doubt about their operations in India too and wouldnt be surprised with all the ingredients that they add to their stuff.Someone should do a check on their products here in India.Im sure they must be adding some addictive ingredients for the people to keep coming back to their restaurants.This makes me understand that people are extremely selfish nowadays. At least the super rich are. They dont care about other people, what they eat, their health etc. Why does it have to be this way . In fact , it was mentioned in the wikipedia article that the CEO's children eat at McDonalds 2-3 times a week.My take on this is like this. Why do they have to mention that children eat at McDonalds. Is this to fool the public that McD's is a harmless restaurant chain which is good for your kids? I dont know , but this is something fishy here. I think the article was created by a McDonalds supporter. He deems it necessary to help McDonalds . Why do they need this help when they already have fooled the public for so long ?

Hic....Hic.....Hurray !

My heading for the blog isnt in anyway connected to alcohol as I have completely given up drinking.Some thoughts are flowing in my head and im trying to put thoughts to words.I might not have mentioned it before , but I have a lot of thoughts which I cannot  put on paper.People are very self-centered nowadays. They judge others as they think is appropriate and they act as though they have right to judge others.I dont know why people are so petty and self-centered. Maybe they could have been ok if they werent that self-occupied about themselves.maybe they are not aware. This could be the case. They are ignorant .I have been through trials where people want their ideas projected towards the public and want your thoughts and feelings hidden. I have experienced this first hand.The only reason for living in this place is Amma. She is the only saving grace.Otherwise everything else is bullshit. The people, the atmosphere,the crowds, they are all out to get their selfish needs met. There is no thought about Amma or about spirituality.This is Kali-yuga. Man is more like an animal then a mahatma.He bows to get his base instincts satisfied than look for a way towards spiritual enlightenment.I am also like that.But the difference is that I am trying to break free from my baser instincts and look towards a higher goal i.e. spiritual enlightenment.Here trying is the keyword.I do have baser instincts which I tend to satisfy but the higher instincts keep pulling me upwards.Besides that I find it very difficult to deal with people who r interested in getting their baser needs met.

Im starting with the man in the mirror. Im asking him to change his ways .(Michael Jackson's song)

Hello ladies and gentlemen,
                                         This is me once again , coming back for a new post.Day before yesterday I watched India lose to Australia in the semi-final of the world cup cricket tournament.A lot of expectations were shattered and reality seemed too bitter to swallow. But the day moved on ,  and everything was normal again. Time is a healer.Your wounds heal , emotional attachments heal , mental and emotional states are recharged, you come back to your normal state. I have an added bonus card with me . And that is amma. The thought of Amma is itself so good,it helps u become clean of negative energy . I am thinking of something to put down here.This is making me think of Brahmachari Sreedhar who is very good at writing poems. Writing poems is an art , and he has become an expert at it. I have  read quite a few of his poems and commented on the great work he has done. His poems can be found on the amritapuri.org website under the blogs heading.I think all this is attributed to Amma, whose devottees, are blessed with quite a number of talents.I am feeling ok , no worries , no anxieties, no stress, no tension.Im doing ok in my job , getting along well with everyone , everything is by amma's grace.Amma wants her children to do spiritual practices so that they can be protected from negativity . Its important to follow up the spiritual practices done in the morning , with some practice done in the evening , as that keeps you protected through the night until the next day . I have realized that myself and and am a witness to this.I think I am so lucky to have made this decision to come to the ashram and live here under Amma's guidance.As I said before , Amma is working on me and I am like a piece of stone in Amma's hand. She is turning me into a work of perfection.

What You See Is What You Get (WYSIWUG)

Hello Everyone,
                      Back to blog.Why should we become spiritual ?.Well for starters,there has to be some pain,before there can be a call for help.And God responds to the call for help.The response is directly proportional to the intensity of the call. Thats how God responds. Thats what happened in my case at least. I had broken up with my ex-gf and I went to meet Amma. Thats when Amma instilled this thought in me that I should utilize this intense pain and longing which I had for my ex-gf to direct it towards god. Well I did, and now im here.Im not saying that I am the chosen one, all im saying is that God for me is Amma , and she has brought me here to her home.Ive been living here for the past 7 years and all I can say is that its been an experience.Everyone is supercharged here and ego clashes happen every day.Amma is slowly removing the egos of everyone and people are unaware that all this is amma's doing.But Im nonetheless happier with Amma's grace and I believe Amma is making a terrific,awesome human out of me,making me similar to herself.Im not saying that I am going to be an avatar , but I know that she is sculpting me to be a great work of art(In this case, spirituality).

The only thing constant in this world is change

Another post coming up. People have told me that I should come out of the ashram,come back to bangalore,live and work there, enjoy the city life.But I dont understand how that is better than my contented life back here in the ashram? What is better? The city life or the ashram life. In the city , you get to meet your friends with different mindsets, not much talk about god and spirituality. Spirituality is like a hobby or a passion in the city. People are tied up with many things and dont have much time to do their sadhana.But the money is good and u get your addictions satisfied.Its good if your not overly concerned about god,what is happiness and probing deep within yourself.
 Ashram life on the other hand is great for spirituality.You might crave for a burger or pizza,but there is inner contentment and happiness if you look inward.It is very difficult to learn contentment , but ashram life is one among the very few places where you learn it.Materially it might not be beneficial,but it is the best place to go inward.You might be materially poor, but there is contentment . This is what makes ashram life great. There is the other aspect of ashram life. That aspect is Amma. She is the one who makes anything possible.But coming back to the city life vs. ashram life, it boils down to what you want.I have chosen ashram life for now, and would like to lead this life for the rest of my life.

My God, through my eyes

Thought that I will continue my blog. Well, im still here continuing my life, with Amma leading the way. A question just popped up in my mind. Well, what happens to people who have lost control over their lives? They become addicted, and a negative spiral develops which pushes them further and further down the spiral. They end up dead, or scarred/disabled or if help exists , they go into rehab.Now coming back to me, I realize that I am living a dream life. I was addicted for a while, (when  I was in the U.S.) to alcohol and smoke. The main addictions were to porn and money. This got me into a negative spiral and I ended up depressed. Now I can safely say that all my addictions , beside the addictions to food and sound sleep is over. Yes, I still love money , but that can also be eradicated with Amma's help. I'm not rich.I'm not poor either. But I have to work . I dont earn much , but I lead a contented life.This is because of Amma's grace.She is showing me the way. So I can safely say I have started my life as an Amma devotee.If she can do this to me, I am sure she can make wonders happen. So Im not letting go. I am going to cling on to her ,Not letting go.

Whats in a name?

This is my entry to this blog again.I cannot believe that I am going to be 40 years old this year. Thats like more than half my life,I'm going to live.I think I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The problem is not the light. The problem is the tunnel. So when you see the light , your worries seem less troublesome. Im not talking about death , Im talking about finding a solution to your daily problems. Im not making up any stuff , I read all this somewhere,and thought it would be cool to add it to my blog.I am just thinking , am I so accustomed to portraying a character , that I forget my true self. I dont know what my true self is.But I think that,good things are happening to me. Amma is coming back on the 26th,so thats good.I think there is more to it than meets the eye.Thats all i can say for now. Slowly things will happen.I hope it happens,because Amma is willing it to happen.

Am I getting anywhere spiritually?

First and foremost, Happy New Year. That is the mood of the moment.I dont know if this is the same everywhere but I kept greeting everyone with a Happy New Year.I was also greeted with a Happy New Year. I would like to start off the year , helping and caring for whomever i can . I am interested in helping the needy , so I will donate enough to buy the orphanage kids a nice meal of fried rice. They like vegetable fried rice and they would love to have it. We have already done this before . The first time we did it , we bought some nice puffs and sweet bread for the kids.A nice tea-time snack.We went there by ourselves and took part in distributing the food. The next time we ordered fried rice for the kids.They loved it.This will be the 3rd time , we are doing this. This was a fantastic idea from my mother. She was the one who came up with this idea.Amma is very close to these kids. There is a br. who is in charge of these kids. I dont know what his name is , but that could be found out.Thats not important.But I like the idea of donating enough for a meal for these kids. I could also do something like buying some food for the animals.Amma says we have to have love and compassion for all. btw, amma asked something from all of us.I am going to copy and paste that from my email. This is it.
 Amma asks us to do five things this new year.1. Help others when you get the opportunity and be compassionate to all. 2. Try not to speak bad of others, it destroys you and others. 3. Do japa and meditation without breaks everyday. 4. Spend time in good company in satsang and read spiritual books regularly. 5. Vow to be humble and pray to be that way always.
I am going to do just this from now.
With Amma's blessings,
Sandy.